Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
NoShamevember. You game?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
