I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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