You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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