Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
