chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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