If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
