I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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