I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
