it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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