he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She's the barista slut.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
