After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
