I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
