I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
