Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
