shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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