If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
