You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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