And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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