i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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