You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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