So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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