Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
