is your mom at the bar?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
