I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
