omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
