we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
