people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize