I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
