I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
