i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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