Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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