I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
