Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
