I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
