I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
