just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
