Umm I'm too high to move.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
