I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
