my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You are a genius and a whore.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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