No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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