how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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