2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
