It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize