A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
