Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
