my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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