Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
