So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
