i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
