dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
