thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
