Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Non-Jews are for practice
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
