It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
