today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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