Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
