need another drink. this is the easiest way
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Are we still banned from the library?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
