To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
