I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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