And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
