Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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