yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
