HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
