U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
