i barfeds in our rink
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
