Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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