im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So squirting runs in the family.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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