She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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