so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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