Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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