I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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