I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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