Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize