Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
