so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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