This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
