You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
