At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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