I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
