It's Friday. Sex?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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