hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
