That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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