Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
