Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
