Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize