Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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