My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize