I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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