We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
