I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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