Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just found puke in my bra..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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