fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
