i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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