Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
