Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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