shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
