We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
