Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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