Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She told me I should be a condom model.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
